The Scorched Earth Policy
by joudama
Summary: For kinkfest on IJ, with Seph, Genesis, and Angeal, prompt, brake failure. There are some sounds that Sephiroth never wanted to hear. EVER. Now with bonus sequel because of an areyougame prompt and omake!
1. The Scorched Earth Policy

**Title:** The Scorched-Earth Policy

**Author:** joudama

**Fandom:** Final Fantasy 7 (Crisis Core)

**Rating:** worksafe-ish

**Warnings:** This started out crack, and then the middle grew, like, a plot 'n' shit and got all deep. Then the crack came back! With exhibitionism for _flavor_.

**Word count:** 5,584

**Summary:** There were some sounds that Sephiroth never wanted to hear. _Ever._

**Prompt:** Genesis/Sephiroth/Angeal - Brake Failure - "This. Cannot. Be."

**A/N:** What I know about cars is pretty much limited to "you put gas in it and turn the key and it goes." Yes, I am a Packled. I'm OK with this.

This takes place well before Crisis Core, during the Wutai war, and Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal are about eighteen or nineteen. All the city names, I made up, but for those of you geography types: Wutai is split into five provinces (hence the "wu," which is "five"--and yes, I actually went to the Chinese wikipedia page for FF7 and dug the name out of the morass of Chinese characters); "Daerimmun" (Gate of Great Woods) is in the Chochung Province (in the middle part of Wutai), "Gingseng" (Border Castle) is on the border between Chochung and Gwongnaam to its north, and "Nankyo" (Southern Capital) is in the Yamato Province in the south (...dur) and was the old capital of Wutai long, long ago (also, dur). I, um, kinda _like _writing Wutai, if you hadn't noticed.

Oh, and -kissieface-, I love you, Gacktesis -kissieface- :D heh heh heh.

--

There were some sounds that Sephiroth never wanted to hear. Ever.

One of those sounds was the sound of _something _in the underbelly of the vehicle he was driving making a sound that was best approximated in human speech as "**BOOM**-clunk-_thud_."

The sound actually, blessedly, caused Genesis to stop with his reading of "Loveless" aloud, and for that, Sephiroth was almost grateful. Almost. Because--

"What in _Hel's name _was that?!" Angeal went, looking shocked.

"...Something that controlled the brakes," Sephiroth said flatly, and Genesis' eyes got very, very wide, his lips still parted from when he had stopped mid-word.

"What?!" Angeal said, looking shocked. "We have no _brakes_?!"

Sephiroth nodded curtly, and Angeal started cursing. He wasn't very imaginative, but he more than made up for it with feeling.

While Angeal cast aspersions on the parentage of the ShinRa mechanics, Genesis found his tongue again and started muttering, a scowl on his face. "A car accident? What kind of hero dies in a _car accident_? No. I _refuse _to die in a _car accident_." Genesis narrowed his eyes and glared at Sephiroth, as if he personally blamed Sephiroth for this turn of events. "And I especially refuse to die in a car accident with _you_."

The feeling was mutual, but Sephiroth refused to acknowledge it. "...We are not going to die in a car accident," he said, voice still flat as he eased off the gas and concentrated on keeping them going straight. The problem was that whatever had knocked off the brakes had also done _something_ to the accelerator, because they weren't slowing down, and only sheer brute force on the wheel was keeping them from careening off the road.

He suspected sabotage, but would worry about that later. For now, there were slightly more pressing concerns.

"The accelerator is also jammed. So until the truck runs out of fuel, it would seem we're going for a ride," Sephiroth said, and Genesis groaned.

--

They had been slightly more than halfway to Daerimmun when their transport truck met with a cataclysmic failure, and Sephiroth had decided it would make more sense to press on to Daerimmun--they would normally have had more than enough fuel to get there or go back, but they were apparently leaking that as well, and given the rate of loss, by the time they ran out of fuel, they'd be almost there. Daerimmun was technically closer and they had been planning to sneak in to get as close to the Chochung forces as they could before attacking. They'd tried calling ahead to Daerimmun or back to the camp at Gingseng, but the signal had been so bad they hadn't been able to get through, and rather than waste their batteries trying, they had decided to wait until they got a clear signal.

Things were not helped by the random Wutai platoon they all but drove straight into twenty minutes later. Sephiroth did his best to keep them from crashing since stopping wasn't an option, while Angeal kept the way clear by blowing things out of their way and Genesis sent fireballs at anything that came close to them from behind or the sides.

They finally managed to take care of the Wutai forces, but by then they had taken on more damage to the vehicle, and Sephiroth had an expression on his face that made Angeal feel slightly cold. He looked _worried_--as worried-looking as Sephiroth got, at any rate--and that was never a good sign.

"We're losing more fuel," he finally said, his mouth a thin line. "We're going in the right direction, but if we take any more damage, we might have a problem."

"You mean we need to kill anything that comes near us before it gets to the truck, or else the truck might explode," Genesis said slowly.

"...Yes."

Much like Angeal, Genesis wasn't very good at cursing, but he more than made up for it with feeling.

The gods, Angeal decided later, were smiling on them in one respect--the rest of the way was blessedly clear, and as the sun began to go down, the transport truck finally ran out of fuel and slowly came to a halt, Sephiroth pulled them off road and towards the woods the area was famous for as they slowed down.

As soon as they finally rolled to a stop and they could get out, Sephiroth pulled out his PHS and started dialing, wandering around slightly to find a strong signal.

"How close are we, do you figure?" Angeal asked, frowning at the state of the truck now that he could get a good look at it. It looked worse than he'd thought.

"Probably a good seventy kilometers from Daerimmun," Genesis answered, staring at the map. "Just judging by how far we came and how far there was to go. But we got a little off course with that attack."

"So could be further?"

"Yeah," Genesis said, sounding like he wanted to kick something and all but thrumming with nervous energy. Genesis was getting that _look_, the look that never boded well because Gen was far, far too high-strung, and Angeal had a bad feeling start to kick in, because out here, there was nothing for Gen to start fighting with except _Sephiroth_.

Sephiroth hung up his PHS with a tired-sounding sigh, coming back over to them. "There's no answer, which leads me to believe that there is an attack occurring at camp in Gingseng. I called the forces outside of Daerimmun and they said they're still under siege by the Chochungese Wutai forces and can't send anyone out for us. They'll try, but they said it was 'suicide' to try and send people out, especially during the daylight. _Not_ that there is much daylight left anyway," Sephiroth said, frowning slightly at how low the sun was in the sky. "So tomorrow, they'll try to send out transport. But 'no promises', they said."

Angeal's face was grim--the siege was the reason the three of them were being sent _together_ on a mission. The Wutai had poured all their energy into keeping everyone on base at Daerimmun--one of ShinRa's most strategic bases on the continent because its central location allowed them to prepare for an assault on the northern provinces--letting no one in and nothing out. Even trying to airdrop supplies in had been a failure because the Wutai bastards shot down everything that got close. It had reached dire proportions, with food and arms running low, and the three of them were being sent in to break the siege. "At least they're under siege and not getting the Wutai suicide attacks like the Yamatans are doing."

"That'll spread north soon enough," Genesis said darkly. "They _decimated_ the troops outside of Nankyo doing that. If word spreads how effective it was, all of the crazy bastards will start doing it."

"Their own mythology tells them death for the sake of the empire is noble," Sephiroth said, frowning. "This is why ShinRa has been unable to break the siege so far--they are all willing to die and want to take as many of our troops out as they can when they go. This kind of thing is only to be expected."

Genesis nodded. "Not just the myths. It's all over their literature, too. 'The Romance of the Five Kingdoms,' 'The Annals of the Silver Dragon,' many of the Wutai classics--the heroes sacrifice themselves for the sake of the empire. Or at least the greater good."

"...You've read something besides 'Loveless'?" Sephiroth said, sounding slightly surprised.

Genesis gave him a dirty look. "Yes. I have. I do read _other_ books. You ought to try reading something other than a manual. It might do you some good. Literature is good for the soul. Assuming you _have_ one, of course."

"If 'good for the soul' means I start running around quoting the same book every five minutes and annoying everyone around me, I'll have to pass," Sephiroth said, a tight smile on his face.

"All right, all right, settle down, ladies," Angeal said, getting in between them before they started arguing, which he knew would be coming unless he stopped them now. They'd argue, then out would come the swords, and they really didn't need to broadcast their location to every Wutai soldier in the province, which the resulting fireballs, lightning bolts, and explosions would do.

"For now, we should camp out here," he said, surveying the relatively clear area. "We need to camouflage the truck and make camp." The woods nearby were both a blessing and a curse--a blessing because it gave them cover, and curse because the Wutai bastards were _far _too good at coming out and melting back into the woods. "Genesis, you go get things to cover the truck. Sephiroth, start making camp. I'll see what I can do with the truck," Angeal said, feeling tired. They had been planning to camp out overnight anyway, so they had the supplies for that, as well as a small motor repair kit. He had the feeling that wasn't going to cut it by a long shot, but still, it'd be something.

He had the strong feeling that the rest of the trip was going to be in a Wutai transport vehicle of some sort that they were going to have to fight tooth and nail for, and then pray their own forces didn't start shooting at _them_. Genesis may not have wanted to die in a car accident, but Angeal didn't want to die in a hail of friendly-fire.

He was glad for small favors, though. Genesis and Sephiroth had given each other one last glare (or rather, Genesis had glared at Sephiroth as if he wanted to set Sephiroth's hair on fire, and Sephiroth had given Genesis a look best described as "Bring It,"), and then gone off in separate directions.

Angeal shook his head, wondering how much _more_ of a clusterfuck this mission was going to turn into--Seph and Gen could honestly only take each other for so long before Genesis exploded, and he suspected they were going reach critical mass very, very soon--then grabbed the emergency lamp and toolbox and crawled under the truck.

He couldn't do anything about them, but he could do something about the transport vehicle, at least.

...Maybe.

--

Genesis had been brimming with nervous energy, more high strung than normal after all the adrenaline rushes of the day, and that ended up working well for them when he stomped off into the woods and came back forty minutes later with brush to camouflage the truck _and _charbroiled monster for them to have for dinner. It was surprisingly tasty, for whatever it _had_ been before Gen's twitchiness and short temper had gotten to it.

And then Seph took the thing and, with some the edible plants of the area that he'd gathered after making camp while Angeal was still under the truck cursing, put together a surprisingly _good_ stir-fry thing. It honestly kind of shocked Angeal, because he'd had no idea Sephiroth _could_ cook, let _alone _well enough to manage a meal far better than the rations they had brought with them.

Angeal was more than slightly impressed at Seph cooking in the first place; if left to their own devices he was pretty sure he and Gen would have just pulled off the beast's limbs and ripped the meat off with their teeth, and maybe cracked a few jokes about going feral. ...Something he couldn't imagine Sephiroth doing in the slightest, so maybe he shouldn't have been so surprised at Sephiroth preferring to cook over ripping into the meat like a pack of starving levrikons.

Everything ended up being so good that he'd joked they needed to be stranded out in the middle of nowhere more often, because that had beat the mess hands down.

"Did you ascertain what happened to the transport vehicle?" Sephiroth asked, putting his food down.

Angeal's good mood faded and his face grew grim.

"It was definitely sabotage," he said, shaking his head. "There had been a bomb, had to be, to do that kind of damage. The only thing that saved our necks was that whoever did it didn't realize we had the newer, reinforced chassis. If it had been one of the older transport trucks, the whole thing would have probably blown up, taking us with it."

Sephiroth frowned. "We only started using the new vehicles last week, so it's no wonder. But what is worrisome is how someone both was able to sneak onto the base and set a bomb, as well as knew which one was ours."

"Either way, it's not good," Angeal said, shaking his head. He sighed, and took another bite of food, and decided to change the subject, because he just didn't want to talk about how close they had come to becoming messy chunks on the Wutai highway.

"And Seph, seriously," Angeal said, giving up trying to eat anymore because he was so stuffed he wanted to just stay leaning against the tree he was under, hands tucked behind his head and feeling pretty satisfied with the world because food made _everything _better. "Where the hell'd you learn to cook?"

Sephiroth had given one of his rare smiles at that. "Cookbooks. I had to learn once I was given my own place to live between tours. It was learn to cook or the mess, and the mess makes even the lab food seem good." Sephiroth's smile grew slightly strained, faltering. "That and I don't like the mess very much," he said in a moment of unexpected candor. Sephiroth was odd that way; he was very controlled and tight-lipped, keeping to himself and wrapping his own coldness around him like a protective cloak, but from time to time, he would open up, and then be surprised at himself for having done it. "I get more attention than it's worth."

"The curse of being a hero, eh?" Angeal said with a faint, understanding smile. Sephiroth let a small, almost sad smile touch his mouth. Sephiroth just wasn't used to _people_, not people who _didn't _want to poke him, prod him, or try to take his head off, and so the mess, even the officer's mess, had to be something of a nightmare for the man, now that he had begun making a name for himself despite himself.

Angeal had just opened his mouth to talk again, seeing an opportunity to get Seph to finally _talk _to someone, when Genesis, scowling, let out a sarcastic "Oh, poor baby," and Angeal wasn't sure who he wanted to smack more, himself for opening the can of "hero" worms or Genesis for digging into the can with gusto.

_Oh, sweet Shiva_, a small part of him thought with a groan, because this had been coming _all day_.

At least he had gotten to eat first, and he was going to rescue the leftovers if it looked like they were going to destroy camp, because those were too good to get stomped on by whatever summons ended up finishing _this._

--

After Sephiroth wiped the forest floor with Genesis, Genesis stomped off into the woods, doing his mix of snarling and pouting, and Angeal just felt _tired_.

"Do you two have to do this?" he finally said, looking at Seph. He was only glad the two of them had had the good sense to not use magic--much--while they were fighting. He hadn't thought they'd heard him when he yelled, "Hey, we're trying _not_ to get discovered by the Wutai! No explosions or cutting down half the Great Forest!" but they had, so they'd more or less refrained from magic and swords.

So their argument ended up a fist fight, and that ended up devolving into something that was uncomfortably similar to a barroom brawl, just minus the alcohol...although the gods knew Angeal felt like he could have used some around then.

The low point was when Genesis actually pulled Sephiroth's hair. Angeal kind of thought Genesis deserved what he got for that, truth be known. The look of shock on Sephiroth's face had been pretty impressive, really.

Angeal had just decided to wade in then--a barroom brawl was one thing, a _catfight _deserving of two high school girls was another--when Sephiroth ended the fight right then and there by hitting Genesis so hard that he had gone flying back several feet into a tree which then made a rather worrisome _CRACK_ sound.

_At least it was the tree and not Gen's back_, Angeal thought tiredly, and Genesis hit the ground stunned for a moment before he shook his head, picked himself up, gave Sephiroth a glare and then threw a look Angeal couldn't begin to interpret at Angeal before he stomped off into the woods, a murderous look on his face.

...There were times when Angeal really wanted to tell the two of them to just fuck and get it over with, because at least that way there would be less property damage--and if the goddess really did give out gifts then there would be photographs--but then he would have thoughts of the battle over who would top versus who would bottom, and he kept his mouth firmly _shut_, because that fight would be epic, and not in the good "for the history books" way but in the "well, there WAS a planet here" kind of way.

"...I'd better go see about him," Angeal finally said when Sephiroth didn't answer, shaking his head and getting up.

An odd look crossed Sephiroth's face, too fast for Angeal to really comment on it, and he suddenly wanted to just go home--go home and see his mother and have one of her home cooked meals and _not _have to deal with this crap anymore. And in that moment, he could almost understand why Genesis seemed to dislike Sephiroth so much at times--there had been a balance, before they had all been thrown together. Without trying, Sephiroth upset that balance, sent Genesis off in wild directions, and Angeal was the who who had to pick up the pieces of it.

And the thing of it was, it wasn't Sephiroth's fault--or Genesis'. The two of them just wanted what the other had too badly. The grass was always greener, although with these two around, the grass usually ended up charred black and smoking.

--

It wasn't too difficult to find Genesis--it may have been dark, but that didn't make much difference to him, and Genesis wasn't even trying to hide his trail.

It was a good thing, Angeal thought, that the only one on Genesis' tail was him, and not a ninja, or else ShinRa would have found itself short one SOLDIER. Or Wutai would have found itself short a ninja when Genesis killed the ninja, if Angeal had been one, or something like that. Angeal really didn't feel like thinking it out.

"Here you are," he said, settling down next to where Genesis was sitting, throwing rocks into the small stream he had found. Genesis looked at him and his scowl deepened.

"Go away."

Angeal raised an eyebrow, along with one of the corners of his lips. "Gen, has that _ever_ worked?"

"No. But hope springs eternal." Genesis started staring at the stream again. "'_Like the blowing winds over an unknown water surface_'."

Angeal felt the beginnings of a smile twist into a full one. "Loveless, but I don't remember where from. I do remember I felt like death when I heard that for the first time."

"You'd _looked _like death," Genesis said, frowning slightly, a faint trace of Banora coming back into his accent. "I'd never seen you that sick before. Everyone thought you were going to die," he said, and threw another rock into the stream.

"Takes a lot more than that to kill me. The goddess knows you've been trying to do it for years and it hasn't worked," Angeal said, his own accent relaxing back into the Banora-tinged Mideel area accent that had been shed the longer they'd been in Midgar.

Genesis smiled faintly. "Hnn."

"And I think you and Sephiroth are trying to kill me now. What in Hel's name is wrong with you two anyway? Is there any reason why you're constantly antagonizing him?"

The faint smile on Genesis' face vanished so quickly it was as if it had never been there, and was replaced by another scowl.

"'_The end of the world is brought by the duel of the beasts_.'"

"Gen. That's not an answer. I'm serious, here."

"'_The gift of the goddess is what the three men seek__  
But their fates are scattered by war__  
One becomes a hero, one wanders the land  
And the last is taken prisoner_'_._"

Genesis tossed another rock, and Angeal waited patiently for the answer to his question.

It wasn't too long in coming--the secret, Angeal had learned long ago, to dealing with Genesis was patience.

"Why were you even paying so much attention to him, anyway?" Genesis said, his shoulders hunching in and the look on his face very clearly a pout, even though Angeal knew better than to say so right then.

Well, it was an answer, but not one he had been expecting. "...What?" Angeal said, feeling very confused.

"'Oh, _Seph_, you're such a good cook.' 'Oh, Sephiroth, you're such a _hero_,'" Genesis said, making a face. "Just go on and offer to blow 'the hero', why don't you," he said, crossing his arms and huddling in more in his bad mood.

Angeal just _stared_ at Genesis, vaguely aware his mouth was hanging open but not quite sure how to get it to close properly. It almost sounded like...

"Or are you just going to go bend over like everyone _else _does for that bastard?" Genesis said, the dark look on his face settling in deeper.

Angeal finally managed to find his tongue again, although he knew that he hadn't found his brain yet when what came out was "...You know, I don't think Sephiroth would have the first clue what to do if someone bent over in front of him and waved lube around."

Genesis let out a startled, explosive laugh, dropping the rock he had been about to throw and covering his mouth with his hand to try to muffle his laughter, his eyes wide.

"Well, he wouldn't," Angeal said defensively. "The guy is clueless. He's really not so good around people, y'know. I don't think he's ever, well, done _anything_, even after three years out in the army. Hel's tits, Gen, if Sephiroth has actually had sex, I'll eat my materia right now. All of it, including the summons."

Genesis tried to keep a straight face and failed, his face turning redder and redder as he tried to muffle his laughter, and Angeal felt a grin breaking out on his face. He reached over, slinging an arm around Genesis and pulling him in for something somewhere in between a hug and a headlock, and Genesis flailed at him for a minute in token protest before settling against Angeal as it changed from headlock to a comfortable leaning on each other, Angeal's arm slung over Genesis' shoulders.

"...You really don't think he's ever done _anything_?" Genesis said after a few minutes.

Angeal snorted. "Gen, I've watched people throw themselves at him with all the subtlety of Bahamut SIN, and he had no idea what was going on or what they were doing. Someone could be naked in his bed, legs spread, with 'Do me' and a helpful arrow pointing the way to _their _southern capital written on them in whipped cream, and the guy'd have Masamune at their throat, wondering how they got the access codes to his room. And if they were cold."

Genesis burst out laughing again, leaning against Angeal as he laughed.

"I guess I should be glad you weren't that dense," Genesis finally managed when he pulled himself together.

"You were more subtle than Bahamut SIN. You were just regular-Bahamut range," he said, poking Genesis' forehead. Just shy of fifteen years old, one day Genesis had crawled into his bed, and Angeal had gotten as far as "Gen, what are you--" before deciding shutting up and not asking questions was in his best interest.

"And if Sephiroth showed up naked in your bed, what would you do?"

Angeal recognized a trap when he saw one, and chose the safe answer that was still _true_. "Throw a Remedy at him, because if _that_ wasn't a sign someone had hit him with a Confuse, I don't know _what_ is."

Genesis laughed again, and Angeal let the arm around Gen's shoulder shift back into a loose headlock, and gave Genesis a quick noogie with his other hand. Genesis smacked at him and Angeal laughed.

"C'mon, let's go back to camp. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not be eaten alive by the allemagnes the Wutai call mosquitoes." Genesis nodded, mood better, and they stood up, brushing off the dirt and leaves.

"Now, which way is camp?" Angeal said, frowning slightly.

Genesis looked around. "...I have no idea. I wasn't really paying attention."

"Neither was I," Angeal said, and they looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

They were SOLDIERS. They'd find camp somehow.

--

It took them awhile, but in the end, laughing at their own stupidity, they did. Sephiroth was already in his bedroll, which made sense because, and Angeal knew better than to say it aloud, Sephiroth had looked exhausted by the end--he'd seen the shape of the steering mechanism; it had to have taken a lot of Sephiroth to just steer all day, and the fight with Genesis couldn't have helped.

"He's out like a light," Angeal said, shaking his head when Sephiroth barely stirred as he and Genesis set out their own bedrolls.

"Hunh. Good thing we weren't ninjas."

Angeal snickered, and waved it off when Genesis gave him a questioning look. "Nothing, nothing. Good night," he said, pulling his boots off and laying his belt on top of it. After everything that had happened that day, never had a bedroll on the hard ground looked so good.

"Going to bed, eh?" Genesis looked up from unlacing his own boots and gave Angeal an odd little grin. "...Remember what you said about me, Bahamut, and subtlety?" he said, and that was when Angeal recognized that look.

And just held the bedroll open when Genesis came over.

--

There were some sounds Sephiroth never wanted to hear. Ever. One of these sounds included one that he was hearing now.

That of Angeal and Genesis having sexual intercourse.

It had been the harsh sounds of their whispers that had woken him.

"Gen, will you hold it down?! You'll wake him, you keep making noise like that!"

"Oh, who cares if we do. Let Sephiroth listen, it's the closest that frigid bastard'll ever get to...ooh, by the goddess, _yes_, do that again."

Sephiroth's eyes flew open, and then one of them began to _twitch_ when what the sounds he was hearing _meant _sunk in.

For a brief moment, he considered summoning Leviathan to douse the both of them in cold water, but decided for the sake of their friendship that perhaps that would not be the wisest course of action--a _satisfying_ course of action, perhaps, but not a _wise _one. For the sake of the friendship he would just...try to ignore this and go back to sleep.

That failed spectacularly, since Genesis had apparently decided that "quiet" should have no part in whatever they were doing, despite Angeal's entreaties for Genesis to hold it down. It was almost, Sephiroth thought with horror, as if Genesis _wanted_ him to hear them.

Today, Sephiroth decided, quite honestly could not get any worse. He tried to find a bright side. At least Genesis was not...

Scratch that. Genesis was now, in fact, quoting _that book_, in the middle of...whatever Angeal was doing to him, and all Sephiroth could think was a rather disbelieving "This can _not _actually be happening."

Genesis made another sound that made Sephiroth want to ram Masamune through his own eardrums so he could never risk ever hearing such a sound ever again, and that was when Sephiroth knew that, if the world did truly have gods, all of them must surely _hate_ him, because there was no other possible explanation for any of this.

"Heh...think he can hear us?"

"With as much noise as you're making? Yes," Angeal said, and his voice sounded faintly amused and far rougher and breathier than Sephiroth had ever heard it, and he wondered if there was a rock around with which he could possibly use to brain himself into unconsciousness.

"Good," Genesis said, and Sephiroth could hear the satisfaction in his voice.

"...Why you little--!" Angeal let out with a surprised laugh, and there was no rebuke in his voice. "You're getting off on him listening, aren't you?"

There was no answer, other than Genesis laughing one of his more mean-spirited laughs, which abruptly changed into a low, pleased groan.

Genesis did something to make Angeal let out a sharp, surprised and undeniably pleasured sound. "Oh sweet _Shiva_, Gen--"

"Make some noise, Ange. Make him hear what he's never getting," Genesis said, and did whatever it was again, from the sound of it, because Angeal suddenly did, in fact, make noise.

Sephiroth had not known himself capable of whimpering, but the undeniable fact was that there was no other way to describe the rather pathetic and somewhat _broken _sound that had just come out of him. Never had he thought he would wish himself _back _in Hojo's lab, but right then, and that moment, he would have preferred Hojo doing his mad-scientist worst to _this_.

...And that realization was the final straw. The proverbial straw that broke the chocobo's back.

"I do _not_ know why the two of you are doing this with me in the vicinity," Sephiroth growled, feeling his eye twitching, "but since you both obviously know I am _awake_, I will no longer be a party to this," he said, getting up and pointedly _not_ looking at them as he beat a strategic retreat for the woods.

He'd take his chances with the mosquitoes, monsters and rogue Wutai soldiers tonight.

The monsters _had_ to be better than _this_.

--

"You're _so _fucked up, you know that, right Gen?" Angeal said, shaking his head but not able to really get mad. He was feeling too good for that, and he knew Seph would cool off eventually--the man was practically a popsicle as it was, and it was almost heartening to see him showing emotions other than "detached." "I would tell you you need to get over your thing about him, but I'm not stupid. When you're not trying to cut his head off, it works out well for me."

Genesis had a self-satisfied smile on his face. "Works out well for everyone."

"...Except Sephiroth."

Genesis' smirk widened into a slightly malevolent grin. "I'm sure the bastard is out in the woods, jerking off as we speak."

"Or trying to knock himself unconscious beating his head against a tree," Angeal said, figuring his guess was far more plausible than Genesis', an idea that kind of made Angeal's brain break, because there were some things he couldn't imagine Sephiroth ever doing. "Masturbating" and "hugging a teddy bear" were the highest on that list, with "putting his hair in two ponytails and dressing like a cheerleader" being a very close third.

...That said, all three were things Angeal would pay good gil to see.

Gen's malevolent little smile came back. "Either way, I won."

Angeal chuckled despite himself, shaking his head at the memory of Sephiroth taking off like a hasted chocobo for the woods. "Yeah, I think you won this round. Congratulations. And now we'd better go to sleep because you know Seph is going to show up at the crack of dawn and wake us up."

Genesis stretched out, a large grin on his face, and didn't reach for his fatigues. "Very true. Let's give him an eyeful in the morning, then."

"...He's going to snap one day. You know that, right?"

Genesis looked _far _too smug. Angeal didn't quite understand the whole odd relationship Genesis and Sephiroth had--it was very adversarial, but Sephiroth seemed like he couldn't have cared less, other than the times he intentionally provoked Genesis, and that nonchalance Angeal was pretty sure was faked seemed to goad Genesis all the more. Genesis had always been in need of constant attention, and Sephiroth's coldness and, worse, disregard for Genesis--evidenced by his effortless, almost lazy way of defeating Genesis in fights and sparring--was something that Genesis couldn't forgive or let go of.

Genesis finally had found a way to make Sephiroth's cold demeanor crack, and Angeal had the feeling that could be a _very_ bad thing.

However, he thought, looked appreciatively at Genesis sprawled out naked and with a satisfied smirk on his face, right now, he wasn't complaining about this at _all_. His mother had done many things, but raise a fool had _not _been one of them.

...Or so he thought until the next morning, when he woke up and the truck and Sephiroth were both gone, with just a note that Genesis, still naked, was cursing at as he wiped mud off of his copy of Loveless.

Genesis just thrust the note at him, growling.

_"Emergency mission. Gone to Nankyo. Proceed to Daerimmun._

_-S"_

Angeal shook his head and sighed, not even blinking at the idea of Sephiroth both fixing the truck in the middle of the night without waking them and somehow getting a refill. "That's Seph for you." He raised an eyebrow at Genesis. "Not that I mind the view, but shouldn't you be getting dressed? We have a long walk."

Genesis' eye twitched. "I'd like to get dressed. But the bastard _took my clothes_. He pitched my _book_ in the _mud_, but he _took my clothes with him_."

Angeal felt the corners of his lips twitching up and tried to stop it, knowing laughing would get him _killed_. One thing about Seph's and Gen's relationship that Genesis always forgot: when provoked too far, Sephiroth would come up with something _spectacular_. And when Sephiroth decided it was time to goad Genesis right back, he didn't hold back.

"I guess he figured you didn't need them," he said. And even though he knew he shouldn't say anything else, not with smoke all but pouring out of Genesis like a Bomb five seconds from exploding, he just couldn't help it. "Looks like Seph won this round, then."

Genesis exploded; with a howl of sheer, frustrated rage, he grabbed his sword and attacked swinging and with fireballs.

And while Genesis may not have had his clothes, he _did _have his flaming sword. And with any luck, some Wutai soldiers would show up to investigate the trees on fire, and they could hopefully commander transport.

...Or, at the _very _least, some pants for Genesis. Wutai really did have some impressive mosquitoes, after all.


	2. Follow the Leader

**Title:** Follow the Leader

**Rating: **worksafe aside from...

**Warnings:** Lots of badwerdz! XD Also hints of m/m.

**Word count:** 1640

**Summary: **Angeal wishes he had never let Genesis have the keys when they 'appropriated' that Wutai transport vehicle.

**A/N:** This is a sequel to "The Scorched Earth Policy," which was written for the last round of kinkfest. The main thing you need to know is that in SEP nineteenish-year-old Sephiroth got pissed at Genesis being a passive-aggressive bitch and got his own brand of bitch drama queen on in retaliation. This, of course, means war.

**Prompt:** Angeal/Genesis: "Fearless" Driving - Genesis: "I didn't feel like stopping, so I didn't."

--

"Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" Angeal yelled. "Oh, gods, I'm going to _die_."

"Oh, shut up, you baby," Genesis said, his eyes all but glowing with excitement--_No, that's insanity_, a voice in Angeal's head corrected--as he drove.

"Gen, stop the car and let me out. I'll walk," Angeal said with a moan. "I'm serious! Stop and let me out!"

"I don't feel like _stopping_," Genesis said, glaring. "What I _feel_ like doing is catching up to Sephiroth and kicking his prissy, pants-stealing ass from here into next week. Besides, he drove from Gingseng halfway to Daerimmun without stopping."

"Because our brakes had exploded!" Angeal yelled, gripping tightly at the safety bar over the window. "He didn't have a choice! And you have pants _now_, so can't you--oh, fuck, Gen, there's a--it's a whole row of--what are you--SHIT, LOOK OUT!!"

The appropriated Wutai truck gave a sickening lurch as Genesis swerved abruptly, not once lifting his foot off the gas.

Angeal stared at Genesis, his jaw hanging open. "You almost ran over a row of _tonberries_!"

"Pfft, we missed those tonberries by a good three centimeters," he said, rolling his eyes. "They shouldn't have been crossing the road anyway."

"Oh, shit, those things are going to _track us down _and _kill us_. If you don't kill us first," he moaned. Tonberries were prickly things, and they had long memories. And didn't mind taking their time hunting you down before they stabbed you to death with butcher knives.

"Oh, like you can't take care of a tonberry or two."

"More like ten!"

"When did you get to be so uptight? It can't be good for you," Genesis said, looking over with a raised eyebrow and exaggeratedly concerned expression. "I don't think you've stopping whining the whole time."

Angeal really wanted Genesis to keep his eyes on the damned road, especially when they were going so fast the needle had stopped moving on the odometer. "Genesis, I swear on Minerva's spear, if you slow down, I will do _whatever you want_. I don't care what it is. I will do it. But please stop driving like a mad man!"

Genesis looked contemplative for a minute as he whipped them full speed through a turn, Genesis' feet all but jumping from one pedal to another as he shifted gears and worked the truck through a drift. "I want a blow job."

"Done. Now slow this becursed car DOWN!" he yelled.

"I want the blow job first," Genesis said, and the look on his face was one of unholy glee.

"What?" he said, not understanding. How under the Heavens was Gen expecting to get a blowjob _before_-- Suddenly, he understood, and he could feel all the blood draining out of his face.

It took him awhile, but Angeal finally managed to make his mouth move properly instead of hanging open in stunned horror. "WHAT?! NOW?!"

"Yes!" Genesis said, grinning cheerfully, shifting gears and bearing down more, somehow, on the gas.

"NO!" Angeal yelled, wondering if Genesis really had finally snapped. "Are you out of your mind?!"

Almost instantly, Genesis's lower lip came out. "But you promised!"

"Genesis, I am NOT dying with my mouth wrapped around your dick! NO!" he yelled, not quite sure how in Hel's name he had come to be having a conversation where that sentence would ever have needed to come out of his mouth. The very thought of dying like that, and worse, of the ShinRa people stammering out the details to his _mother_, because she _would_ worm it out of them...

"By the gods, you are _such_ a baby," Genesis said, shaking his head as a panicked chocobo dove and practically rolled into a ditch as they passed.

A long moment passed with neither of them speaking, Genesis pouting as he aimed the transport truck offroad between a tree and a large rock rather than take a curve, and Angeal clutching his seat so tightly he was surprised it hadn't ripped yet.

"You really do need to relax," Genesis said after a long while, when they were back on the actual road, and Angeal didn't trust that speculative look in Gen's eyes one little bit.

"You want me to relax? Slow the fuck down!" Angeal yelled.

"And let Sephiroth get further away?" Genesis said, eyes narrowing. "Not a chance," he growled, and tried to push down more on the gas. But the pedal was already touching the floor and couldn't go any further, which made Genesis growl again.

Angeal thought to himself that it was a shame he was going to die without getting to see his mother again, and...and there was a hand on his crotch that most decidedly wasn't _his_, trying to worm its way into his pants.

"HANDS OFF MY CROTCH AND ON THE WHEEL!" Angeal yelled, and he was honestly a little shocked at how high-pitched his voice had gone. It hadn't hit a register like that since he was thirteen.

Genesis let out an annoyed sigh. "You have no sense of adventure," he said with a pout, pulling his hand back and thankfully putting it back on the clutch.

"You're right! I don't! My good sense beat it into a pulp! And good sense says for you to slow this fucking car down!"

"Oh, hey, look! There's a whole row of Wutai soliders up there!" Genesis said, ignoring him, and there was something frighteningly gleeful in how he said it. "Think I can take them all out before they realize we're ShinRa?"

"Oh _fuck_," Angeal said, and shut his eyes.

--

Angeal had never before kissed the ground, but as soon as he was out of the truck, he was on his hands and knees, and had his lips on the dirt. "Blessed Carbuncle, thank you for not letting me die," he moaned.

"You whiner," Genesis said, rolling his eyes.

Angeal ignored him and looked up at Sephiroth, who was staring somewhat wide-eyed at Angeal kissing the ground. And at the random _limb_ that seemed to be stuck in the front grate of the truck.

Angeal just glared at him--this was all Sephiroth's fault, after all, for provoking Genesis like he had. And for leaving him to deal with Gen. "Seph, next time," he said, still on his hands and knees, "If you take off like that, you take me with you, you fucking bastard. By the gods, I thought I was gonna die!"

He kissed the ground again, and swore he was never letting Genesis drive _ever_ the _fuck again_.

--


	3. OMAKE

**Title:** Follow the Leader OMAKE!!1!

**Warnings:** CRAAAAAAAAAACK.

**Summary: **Sephiroth really hates it when they go into dialect.

**A/N:** In the middle of "Follow the Leader," I was writing along when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I wrote Genesis rolling his eyes as Angeal and telling him he hadn't quit kvetching about his driving the whole way. This instantly led to the Angeal in my head calling Gen "meshuggener," and, well, it was _all downhill from there_. XD Also, this is pure omake and not part of my internal canon--in my internal canon, they speak something closer to Greek. Not, um, _this_. XD;

--

Sephiroth really hated it when the two of them went into dialect.

It wasn't that he had a problem with people using dialect--after all, the people in ShinRa's army were from all over the planet, and if they found someone from their home region, it was only natural to slip out of the common Visgradian and into whatever dialect was their native one--but he did have a problem with the fact that he could barely understand a word coming out of their mouths when they pulled out Mideel dialect. Most of what they said was Visgradian, but half of it was dialect, and, well, he just had no idea _what _under the Heavens they were going on about, and given how volatile Genesis was, that was never a safe situation.

Angeal was currently kissing the ground and Genesis rolling his eyes at him.

"Oh, quit your kvetching. You keep this up and I'll never let you in a car with me, you big baby."

"I should be so lucky!" Angeal yelled, glaring as he got up and brushed his hands off on his pants. "The whole time, I was chellishing you to slow down! How hard is it not to drive like a meshuge maniac, I ask you!"

_Chellishing_? _Meshuge_? He couldn't figure out 'chellishing', but it seemed like 'meshuge' was something negative. That was something, at least.

Genesis rolled his eyes. "Stop making such a stimmis before you plotz, you noodge."

_...Stimmis_? _Plotz_?! Sephiroth shook his head, not knowing where to even begin.

"Better a noodge than a meshuggener!" Angeal yelled, and Sephiroth gave up on understanding them, and instead focused on how it was rather interesting in an odd kind of way to see Genesis calm and Angeal yelling his head off--normally it was the other way. He wondered if Genesis had finally broken Angeal.

"Oh, stop being so verklempt. It's not like we crashed or anything."

"Are you forgetting the line of Wutai troops?! And the tonberries!"

They had crashed into tonberries? And was that where that _arm_ had come from?

"From where do you get that with the tonberries! We didn't even nick them! Sephiroth, tell him to stop it with the being such a kvetching schlmiel," Genesis said, rolling his eyes and giving Sephiroth a look.

Sephiroth blinked at suddenly being dragged into this, not sure what under the heavens that last sentence meant, or even how one was supposed to pronounce words with that many consonants in a row. Or sure what it was that Genesis had just done to Visgradian grammar, aside from butcher it.

He was saved from having to even attempt to figure out any of them by Angeal. "Schlmiel? More like a _schlimazel_, to have been schlepped along with your farkakte driving!"

Sephiroth felt a headache coming on. It was rare that Genesis and Angeal argued, but when they did and when the _Middish_ came out, it would last for hours. Which was why he decided a strategic retreat was in order, and tried to slip into his transport vehicle before they noticed.

Unfortunately, SOLDIER senses were very sharp, and Sephiroth winced to himself as two voices yelled at the same time "Oy gevalt, you're not leaving me alone with him driving again!" and "What is this, you're trying to leave us with this skvotz with no brakes?!" respectively before he could fully implement his retreat.

They were _both_ glaring at him now, and he decided he really needed to pick up that book on Middish he had seen online. Or, he thought as a dull pounding settled in at his temples, perhaps simply invest in Mute.

--


End file.
